


full stock of thoughts and dreams that scatter

by writteninthesewalls



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Bonding, Character Death, Light smut eventually, M/M, POV First Person, but like VERY little i swear, but no one is really dead, mentions of historical ages, mentions of prejudice in world war II, they might not be accurate as i don't read a history book in like 6 years
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2020-05-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:00:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24350200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writteninthesewalls/pseuds/writteninthesewalls
Summary: There's a myth about your face in this current life is the face the love of your life had in your past life.But there's a catch: you only get clues about who they are when you're sleep and dreaming. You dream about your life with your soulmate in the past, which means you see your soulmate in your dreams... but with your face.Even keeps seeing the same person over and over again. He can't help but wonder, what the hell does this mean?
Relationships: Even Bech Næsheim/Isak Valtersen
Comments: 5
Kudos: 31





	full stock of thoughts and dreams that scatter

**Author's Note:**

> hi!! this work is way longer than expected. it was supposed to be an one shot for [skam weeks](https://twitter.com/skamweeks), but i think it's gonna like two or three chapters now.  
> thanks to [zarah](https://twitter.com/isakmaki) for this prompt idea!  
> title fic is from you make my by hall & oats.

He remembers his dream as clear as if they were something he did the day before. They had always been crystal clear to him. Like vivid memories he just made and can’t seem to forget anytime soon. And he knows what it means.

He always knew what that meant.

His aunt June used to tell these stories as almost they were fairy tales created to make children fall asleep faster. But, eventually, he learned that what once was a myth is now true. 

There’s loads of studies about it. He’s read some of them, remembering the stories June told him. He’s quite fascinated with it, to be honest. He often wonders why he wouldn't be, when it’s such an amazing concept.

Soulmates, that is. Soulmates being a _real_ thing and not just a fairy tale or something people would doubt that exist.

It all starts when you’re ten years old. Such a young age, but it’s when it happens. Science doesn’t know _yet_ why it starts at this age, so everybody just… accepts it, at this point. But science also has so many studies and researches and now they can show the chemistry on the brain of people who are soulmates. They usually dreamt about their past life, with events such as meeting your significant other, dating them, getting married, mourning if anything happens to them. These are just mundane exemples - he really likes the examples where people used to just be able to write love letters because one of them was away at war or something he considers as a grand romantic gesture. And the dreams of these people are connected and show the same patterns of brain activity when they describe. And they only dream about one past life.

One past life only. And that’s it.

Even read about cases like his. He knows he’s not the only one, but he also knows who extremely rare those cases are. How it’s very unusual for that to happen. And how there’s also a pattern for people with mental illness to have this happened to them.

Even does not dream about only one past life. He dreams about a lot of them. So many he lost count of how many different things he saw while unconscious.

However, even if his case is rare because of dreaming of more than one past life, he also knows this particular trait of his _dream life,_ as Yousef usually calls, is not very common. At all.

The thing is… when you dream about your soulmate and your past life with them, you see some clues about who they are but you never see their faces. You see your face on them instead. Because what Even once thought was myth is real, and that’s that in this current life, you look like the love of your life in said past life. And that only changes once you meet them, but you just know that when you go to sleep and dream about them. 

What seems to be his _problem_ is that not only he dreams about more than one past life, the problem is that he keeps seeing the _same boy type_ every now and then. Sometimes he sees someone with his very same body and he’s so confused and then the other times he sees a guy with blond curls but with his face. Always the same fucking guy. _Always._

So that’s why he’s here now, sitting in the waiting room of a psychiatrist. But not his usual psychiatrist that treats his bipolar disorder. This one and quote unquote Mikael _knows the deal with dreams_ . He needs some answer as to why he keeps seeing _himself_ time and time again.

Does it mean that in that life he didn’t have a soulmate? He was all alone for all his life? Does that mean that maybe this current life he might not have a soulmate and that his biggest fear - being alone - is gonna be his reality?

He doesn’t have much time to dwell on these questions because a door opens and brings him back to reality.

“Even Bech Næsheim?” a woman with blond hair and red lipstick asks and he nods. She gestures to the room and adds “Come in, please.”

Even enters the doctor’s office and sits on the puffy chair he assumes it’s for the patients. He’s used to how they look like.

“Well, Even” the doctor says, taking a seat as well and a notepad that was placed in a small table right next to her. “I’m Doctor Noora Sætre” he gives her a smile, acknowledging her introduction. “Tell me, how can I help you?”

Even ponders for a while, trying to gather his thoughts on how to explain his situation. “I’m sure you’re well aware I’m bipolar. Doctor Tryggvason said he would contact you before I came here.”

“Yes, he did. And I’m sure he recommended me for a reason. Am I right?”

“You are. But I don’t think it’s the reason you imagine” she looks at him with a questioning look, so he goes on. “You see, I think most people with some mental illness try to make sense of why they’re dreaming of past lives… some of them don’t even know they have some kind of mental illness until they seek a doctor that explains this phenomena for them. It wasn’t my case, I had an episode and that’s how I found out about it. I never thought dreaming about more than one past life meant something else, because I don’t think I talked about it before that. My aunt used to tell me so many stories about soulmates and how my mother described her dreams to her that I just thought it was my brain making me dream something that happened to other people. It was only when I was diagnosed that Doctor Tryggvason told me how people with mental illness are more likely to have this condition”, he paused, letting all the information he just let out sink in, just like he did when Eskild told him about this a few years ago.

Noora is still looking at him with puzzled eyes and she quickly writes something on her notepad, before bringing back her attention to Even. “So… if you already know why you dream about past lives, what is your concern?”

“The thing is” he starts, and notices the words are rushed, because he might finally be able to understand why this is happening to him. He takes a deep breath to calm himself down a little. “The thing is, whenever I dream of past lives, you know, I see myself in what must have been my soulmate in a previous life that the one I’m living in the dream. And other times” it’s now or never. Another deep breath. “I see myself” he adds after a few seconds of silence.

He blurted everything out while making big gestures with his hands and not really _looking_ at his doctor. He knew he was avoiding seeing her connecting the dots on her brain. But once he finishes talking, he can’t avoid her anymore.

Noora is now with her hands in her chin, head a little tilted and a wondering gaze towards Even. That’s the look Eskild often gives him whenever he says something he might consider as Even slipping and having an episode. It’s the _we have a problem here_ look. He knows it too well.

The doctor turns her attention to her notepad and the patient doesn’t bother trying to ask her questions or pressuring her to _please, tell me what’s wrong_. Even knows Noora will tell him what her insight is in no time. He just has to wait. And that’s the crucial part.

Silence settles in the room for a couple of minutes. Noora seemingly deep in thoughts, writing a couple of things and pondering again. Even thinks about everything he had said now and in every possible session he had with Eskild until he had to practically bag him to see a specialist so he could have all the answers that bothered him so much.

The click of a pen, Noora clears her throat a little, trying to get Even’s attention. He hopes that when their eyes meet, she can see the desperation and anxiety he’s feeling.

“Even, with everything you said, I can think of a couple of outcomes” she glances down to her notes, her mouth twitching at the corners. I’m sure this is not something that’s been bothering you just recently, right?” Even only nods in response. “So I think you might have searched about it and probably mentioned it to Doctor Tryggvason and it’s most likely both things brought you to some of the conclusions I’ll tell you. But I want you to be patient and bear with me, okay?”

This time, the pause is longer and Even understands she wants more than a nod. She wants a verbal confirmation that he’s understanding what she is saying. “Yes, of course.”

“Both Doctor Google and Doctor Tryggvason must have told you that one of the possible outcomes of these dreams you have is that...” she pauses, avoiding Even’s eyes for just a second, like she doesn’t want to tell him that. And he knows why. It’s a sad outcome. “It’s that you didn’t have a soulmate in the previous life of that dream. That can happen sometimes, I am sure you know that. It might happen because the said soulmate passed away before either reached the age of ten, and that’s so tragic when you think about. But it happens. It’s life, you know” Noora puts her pen down on the table, takes another glance at her notes. “However, it’s not only the possibility. Sometimes people just _don’t_ have soulmates. We try to research and investigate why this happens, but it’s not so common and yet we couldn’t get an answer for that. I hope we’re getting closer by the minute, because I’d love to be able to tell someone what’s happening to them.”

Even understands that sentence as _what is happening to me_. But he doesn’t spill his thoughts as he usually does with Eskild. He barely knows Noora and he really wants her to help him out. He wants her to give him hope.

“Let me ask you something before I tell you the other possible outcome, because based on your answer, it might be true. But I can also be wrong and we’ll have to dig this way further, and I’m always up for a challenge.” Her red-tinted lips form a kind smile that reaches her eyes and Even is grateful for the honesty in her tone. “You said you dream about other people and see yourself in them” another pause, another nod from the boy sitting on the opposite side of the room. “Are those different people? I mean, I know you _can’t see them_ , but you _can see them_.”

She’s talking about body shapes. He knows that. He knows that because it’s what makes him wonder so much about his dreams. “No. I think they’re always the same.”

With one last look at her notes, a small grin takes over Noora’s face. “Well, then… I think I might have better news than the ones you were dreading” the light chuckle that both let out is enough to tell that the doctor was considerate enough to empathize with Even’s biggest fear, without him voicing it out loud. “Without knowing a lot about your dream pattern, I can’t really give you a diagnosis. I reckon it would be irresponsible for me to do so on our first session too. But I think I have some idea of what’s going on with you. Even, there’s studies about this. Lots of them. And I worked some cases about it, so I know my way around it and I think I’ll be able to help you a lot. And if something I don’t know it’s what we’ll have to face together, I’ll throw myself in books like I did in med school. I need you to know that. I’m all in to help you with this.” She leans forwards, with her elbows on her knees, Even doesn’t think twice before mirroring her. “Even, I think your soulmate is the same in all the lives you’ve lived.”

* * *

It’s been two hours since Even left his appointment. He texted Eskild as soon as Noora said goodbye to him after scheduling another session. He texted Mikael and Yousef on their group chat as soon as he got into the elevator. He doesn’t remember how he got home, he only remembers getting the replies from the texts and reading them while getting on the tram back home.

> **DOCTOR ESKILD TRYGGVASON**  
>  Ok. Thanks for the intell. If you don’t mind me, I’ll share my thoughts on these with Noora (you already know what they are, because you know I don’t know a lot about it, but I’ll dig some books and papers). See you next week.

He doesn't answer his doctor. He checks his group chat:

> **MIKAEL  
> ** HOLY SHIT! I didn’t know that was a thing. What are you doing about it?
> 
> **YOUSEF**  
>  Now you know what might be, buddy. It’s a good thing. How are you dealing with it right now?

He’s read these words so many times now but he didn’t know how to answer them. When he got home, he just sat down on his sofa, switching his stare between his phone and his turned off tv. This is how he has been for the past two hours.

Of course, Noora’s words were stuck with him for all this time. Especially the _your soulmate is the same in all the lives you’ve lived_ part. How is that even possible? He’s read so much about dreaming about more than one past life, but he’s never thought having the same soulmate always was something he would have to face it himself.

The doorbell ringing stops him from daydreaming any further and he doesn’t have to open the door to know it’s his best friends. He knows he must’ve worried them by not answering, but what they don’t get is that he didn’t know how. Yet, he gets up from the coach, heading towards the door, taking a deep breath before opening it.

“Dude, you can’t just drop that bomb and then _not_ answer us!” Mikael greets him and pulls him for a hug right away, making his way inside before Even can properly invite him. It’s okay, it’s their home too somehow.

Yousef is standing beside him, a soft and caring look on his face, trying to read what might me going on Even’s mind, so he tries to conceal the best he can - and probably fails, because Yousef just gives him a small smile. “Hey bud”, he adds with a pat on his back.

Soon enough, the three of them are in Even’s kitchen, Yousef opening the cabinets to find the coffee pot and something they can eat for a mid afternoon snack, while Mikael and Even are sitting facing each other on the table. 

“So, are you gonna talk about it or do we have to play good cop/bad cop to get you to spill it?” Mikael crosses his arm, tilting his head, as a way of telling Even he’s they won’t play good cop/bad cop but they still want to know what happened.

He can’t help but look at his two friends, going out of their ways to come here to know what happened at his appointment. They were always the ones to listen to him talking and talking and talking about how he thought his dreams were weird, how he was afraid that when he saw his own body type, it meant he was all alone in the previous life and how he might end up alone in this current life too.

“No need for any acts. I’ll tell you all about it” Even says, sighing. There’s no need to postpone this conversation. He might get some clarity if he talks sooner than later. “Ok, so, you guys are familiarized with my dream patterns, right? The whole _I see myself sometimes_ and how I _always_ see the same body type and shit…” both of his friends nod in confirmation. “I told the doctor everything about it. I told her that I already knew that my bipolar disorder was probably the cause of why I had dreams about multiple past lives, then I told her that I often saw myself as one of the people in those dreams. So, she said we could have some outcomes about that.”

“And what are they?” Yousef asked, getting three coffee cups and putting them in the middle of the table.

“Basically the one we searched, you know” Even takes a sip of his coffee, avoiding their best friends’ gaze. “The whole, I didn’t have a soulmate in my previous life and I was all alone and shit. And that it could have happened for reasons as the person passing away before the age of them or that I just was… alone in that previous life, that’s why I’ve never seen any other body type.”

Both Mikael and Yousef try to exchange looks as if Even isn’t sitting facing them both and can see everything. They’re not very subtle about it. And Even knows that look. He doesn’t want their pity, it’s not his intention to have them pitying him.

“You said there were other outcomes” says Mikael, his tone hopeful.

“Yeah. This is why I freaked out. Because I’ve never read about it. I’ve never _heard_ about it. But she said there’s a lot of research about it and that she worked on some cases” he looks at his friends, both expecting him to just blurt it out what Doctor Sætre told him. “She said it’s possible that my soulmate it’s the same. In all the lives I’ve lived, I’ve had the very same soulmate. Always. She asked me if the other person was always the same and I told her yes, you already know about this. But I _never_ thought it was about this. About just having _one_ soulmate _always_. Every. Single. Time.”

There’s a silence in the kitchen, only the spoons clicking on the coffee cups, and swallowing sound for about a minute or two. It’s not an unpleasant silence. It’s recomforting. Also, Even knows both Mikael and Yousef have to let all this information sink in before they can say anything else.

“Wow, man. That is something… unexpected” Mikael breaks the silence, leaning back on his chair.

“Tell me about it. Why do you think I freaked out?”

“So, what will you have to do now?” Yousef questions, sensing that there’s more to it.

“She wants me to document all my dreams from now on. Like a dream diary or whatever you wanna call it” Even explains.

“Well, that might be a good idea, right? Doing this she’ll be able to help you in better ways” Mikael suggests.

“I guess so. It’s just… it’s so weird to think someone will _know_ every aspect of my dreams. You guys and Eskild know the gist of it, I don’t think I ever tell you every little detail, because you know… it’s my soulmate and I. But I guess I don’t have any other option.” Even concludes, finishing what is left of his lukewarm coffee, before getting up and placing the cup in the sink. He’ll deal with the dishes later.

“I’m sorry things have to be this way, Even”, Yousef sympathizes, also getting up and placing an arm over his shoulder. “I wish things would be easier and that you wouldn’t have to feel like it was, I don’t know, sort of an invasion of privacy sharing your dreams with your doctor.”

“But I’m sure she only has the best intentions with it, bro” Mikael tries to cheer him up once they head to the living room. Even knows they won’t leave any time soon, so they better find something to do. He knows they’re trying to distract him and not dwell on this for longer than needed. “You'll see, in no time, you’ll have the answers you’ve been searching for for so long.”

* * *

Life was still pretty normal in the last weeks of Even's life. Except now, by his bedside table, he had a pen and a notepad. Except now it wasn't his phone and his messages or social media that he checked once he was awake, he just grabbed his writing stuff and put down in words what he dreamt about.

The first time it was a very weird experience. Obviously because it was his first try, but not only that. It was because he never really described his dreams to the fullest to anyone. Ever. The full experience was always just in his mind, as he thought it was supposed to always be. But he knows he must try and write everything down so Noora can help him, and can tell him for sure that, yes, he’s only had one soulmate.

By the end of the first week, Even had written about three dreams. The other four days he didn’t dream of his soulmate. Two out of three, he sees himself again - however, now, when he wakes up, he no longer wonders if he’ll be alone for the rest of his life, because now he knows it’s not the case.

Two weeks go by faster than expected, and seven catalogued dreams after, he’s once again sitting in the waiting room of Doctor Sætre’s office, with his notepad on his lap and one of his legs bouncing up and down, showing how really nervous he is.

Even doesn’t have to wait long enough. Not even eleven minutes after his arrival, Noora is opening the door for him, the same red lipstick on her lips, the same kind smile. The difference is, there’s a curiosity that wasn’t there before.

Even takes the same seat as the session before, facing his doctor. Both of them with their respective notepads in hand.

"How have you been, Even?" Noora asks, breaking the brief silence that filled the room. 

"Good. I mean, I'm still kind of digesting everything you told me last time" Even tells her, laughing a little and seeing her smile in response.

"Well, I didn't expect you to assimilate all of that in just one go. Those kinds of things take time. I'm glad to hear you're still thinking about what I said, though."

Even refrains himself from laughing. How could he _not_ think about that? It was probably the only thing he thought about for the last fourteen days. If Noora could see his mind right now, she would know that. If Noora could see how badly his work was the last fourteen days, she would know that. Yousef is particularly irritated with the last one, having to cover his ass with last minute lesson plans for his students.

"I see you brought your notepad, so it's safe to assume, it has been used, right?" The doctor questions, looking down at the green cover laying on his lap.

"Yeah. Every time I dreamt about my soulmate, with the person's body type or mine, it's all written down here."

"Can you tell me a little about how was it like to write about those dreams?"

Even moves uncomfortably in his chair. This was the question he was hoping to avoid. It came too soon for his liking. “At first, I didn’t really like doing it. It felt like a chore and not a good or pleasant one. I just wanted to get it over with as soon as I started, so probably the first few dreams are described in a rush and without so many details as you might want” he admits, slightly ashamed, as a blush forms on his cheeks. But after like, three or four dreams, I started to notice how much I liked reliving them through my writing. I’m not a great writer, I suck at it, precisely. But it was a fun way for me to somehow eternalize some of the dreams I have, with the person who, apparently, I’ve met again and again in previous lives.”

Noora gives him a warm smile once he’s done talking, seemingly happy with what she just heard. “Even, that’s far better than what I expected to hear, to be quite honest. I get how hard it must be to put down in words your unconscious thought, and it’s probably harder when it comes to being the person who you had such a strong connection before.”

The boy looks down at his laps, opening and closing his notepad quickly. He knows this session is longer than the previous one, knows the reason why, knows soon enough his secrets will be out. Yeah, okay, they’ll be out for a professional that is going to help him figure himself out better, but still, they’re gonna be out there.

He’s already feeling exposed when Noora says “Do you mind if we go through the dreams right now?” And what can he say? _Yes, ma’am, I do mind_. He can’t do that. He told her last session that he would cooperate. He wants to cooperate. But it doesn’t mean it’s any less difficult. So he just nods. “Ok. Good. How many dreams did you have about soulmates?”

“Seven. The rest of them were completely random and not evolving anything soulmate-like” it’s Noora’s turn to nod. Even wishes time would slow down now. He wishes time would stop and he could keep his dreams to himself. He wishes he didn’t have to open up about something so particular, even if doing so means he’ll be able to finally know what’s been bugging him for most than half of his life.

“It’s a fair amount. Almost as if it’s one every other day. That’s good to know. We can start working with that, and then maybe next week we can meet again and see how your dreams went. But I think if we find a pattern with these eleven dreams, we can be almost 100% sure of what is happening to you. The next session would be just something to clear my consciousness” she lightens the mood with her beautiful laugh and Even joins her. “I know this is not gonna be easy, so, pelase, I ask you to take your time. If you need to stop whenever you need to, feel free to do so. Feel free to stand up, to walk around this office, to grab a bottle of water in the mini fridge. Feel as free as a bird in here. I want you to be as comfortable as you can be when you’re telling me something that is so deep within you that you can’t feel that you’re telling me, okay?” God, Even just loves how much serenity Noora shows him. It does make him feel more comfortable. He says a very weak okay in response, before she’s talking again. “So… do you mind telling me about your first dream?” she promptly opens her notepad and gives a click on her pen.

Breathing heavily, Even opens his notepad. He stares at his own handwriting. He stares at _DREAM #1_ scribbled right after _DREAM DIARY?_ (yes, with a question mark). He exhales, as if all the air that was inside his lungs are out of them now and starts reading:

 _DREAM #1_ _  
__I can usually tell what year or try to guess it for what’s going on surrounding us. This time is no different. The Parthenon is standing right before him. Ancient Greece. Okay. Nice. I look down and I see myself wearing a chiton and sandals. Am I just a normal person in Greece? Am I one of those super famous and important philosophers?_ _  
__I don't have much time to dwell on my questions because soon enough, I see someone walking in my direction. But the first thing I notice about them, is how they are kind of glowing. Not figuratively speaking. I mean quite literally. It's a bright blinding shine. But it's a shine nonetheless._ _  
__When I can see their faces - my face -, I know who they are._ _  
__Hi there, soulmate. Hi there, person I don't even know the name and probably won't find out now but that it's most certainly the only one that matters to me._ _  
__They have (I have? This is so weird to write) a smile on their lips. Their blond curls the prettiest I've even seen them in my dreams (and I suspect it's something to do with the mysterious glow)._ _  
__We don't touch once we're close enough, yet my blood is rushing through my body so fast because of the proximity. I just want to reach out and touch them. But I don't._ _  
__"Hi" they greet me, fondness clear in their voice._ _  
__"Hi" I notice the same fondness in my tone._ _  
__"Sorry I'm late, you know my father is. We have to sit there and listen to him play his kithara for at least an hour every morning before we can do anything else."_ _  
__"It's fine, I just got here" I see myself responding and then we start walking together. We don't talk after that, but we do get closer while walking._ _  
__We're basically bumping into each other non intentionally but intentionally._ _  
__We stop walking just when we get to the beginning of a forest. My soulmate stopped abruptly. They look around, seeing no one in sight. They reach out and touch me._ _  
__And that's when I wake up._

Even finishes reading his dream, almost out of breath, realizing he blurted out the words faster than he intended. Looking up to Noora, he notices she's in deep thought while writing down something on her own notepad. Probably some bullet points about what he just told her. Patiently, he waits for her to say something.

"It seems like you and your soulmate go way back. That's… wow" she does seem out of words, saying all of these with her eyes still on whatever she wrote. In no time, She meets Even's gaze. "Even, do you know who was known for playing khitara back in Ancient Greece?"

"No, I have no idea" he answers with a frown. He didn't really question this particular part of his dream, he never paid much attention to be honest.

“Well, then you’re in for a treat” Noora says. “Apollo was known for playing khitara.”

“Apollo as in… the god?” His voice gets an octave higher, because that can be possible, can it?

“Yes,” Noora says, as a matter of factly. As if what she’s saying isn’t absurd.

“No. That can’t be real” Even shakes his head, frowning more than before while looking at his doctor. 

“Apparently, it can. Your soulmate in Ancient Greece was a son of Apollo. A demigod.”

Even tries to let that sink in, because it was not the kind of information he was expecting. At all. Well, probably no one is waiting to see if one of your past lives’ soulmate is a _fucking demigod_.

“That would explain a little why they were glowing, don’t you think?” The doctor questions him, and to be fair, it is a good point. It didn’t seem like one when he was getting the news, though.

“I guess it makes sense,” Even tells her. He stares at the page where he wrote his first dream, amazed by what he just found out. What a life they must have had.

“Do you want to read another one?”

Even nods and turns the page for the second dream he wrote about:

 _DREAM #2_ _  
__This time, I’m not really sure where we’re at. I see the ocean. I see an endless trail of white, beautiful sand. The sky is a perfect blue, the sun shining bright. And it’s hot. So fucking hot._ _  
__I am wearing something that reminds me of the clothes he saw the old kings of the world in, like Henry VIII style. And I can’t help but question why the fuck am I wearing this when it’s hot as hell here._ _  
__A light breeze doesn’t let me frown upon it much, and I turn to the direction of the wind. I hear some people passing by me, while I stand still on the street in front of the beach. I see two men talking and I can’t understand much of what they’re saying because the words are rushed, but I pick out the word “brazilwood” from their chat. And then I know I’m in Brazil. I have no idea what year it is, but at least now I know where the hell I am._ _  
__Again, I don’t have much time to dwell on my thoughts, because it’s when I see them. Standing not two feet away from me. Near them, I see some indigenous talking to them, and I assume it’s probably people who are from Brazil._ _  
__We’re just the white people who took their land._ _  
__I approach them and I think they sense me, somehow, because when I’m close enough, they turn around. And yep, that’s my face on someone else’s body. It’s still weird, even after all these years._ _  
__We don’t talk. We don’t really say anything. We’re just looking at each other, like it’s the only thing that matters right now. And it probably is._ _  
__Five seconds later of intense gazing, I wake up._

This time, Even doesn’t hesitate to look up from his notes as soon as he finishes reading. Noora is not writing anything down. Just a smile on her face.

“It’s funny, you know. When we specialize in this field in med school, we read so many studies and cases about dreaming about more than one past life. And I’m still starstruck whenever I’m presented with new historical ages” she tells him, folding her hands on her lap. “I think it’s the first time I hear a dream about when Brazil was still being colonized. It just shows that, no matter how, no matter how many frontiers, you always managed to find your soulmate.” Even nods, a tiny grin on his lips at her words. It’s a good reassurement, knowing they always find a way to each other, they always _have_ each other. Every. Single. Life. “Ready for another one?” He doesn’t wait one bit before starting to read again: 

_DREAM #3_ _  
__I’m sitting on a porch. There’s a chair right beside me, but it’s empty. A book laying on my lap, waiting for it to be read. It looks like a friendly neighborhood, some kids are playing around with their bikes. The bikes don’t seem old, but this time I can’t tell what year I’m at._ _  
__Suddenly, a door opens behind me and I turn around to see me. Literally me._ _  
__Same body type, same face._ _  
__The other me smiles at me, then sits on the chair next to me, a book also in my hands._ _  
__Once again, we don't say anything, we just smile at each other. I'm used to seeing my smile in the other person's body type, but seeing me smiling at me and it's not a mirror it's the weirdest thing ever._ _  
__Before I know what I'm doing, my hand holds the other me hands. And I wake up, my hands still warm at the touch._

Noora doesn't add anything, just looks at Even with a small nod and gestures that he can proceed if he wants to.

He knows what dream is next. And he hates this one. Soon he gets up from his chair, pacing a little around the office, grabbing a bottle of water his doctor mentioned before. He drinks a little, but he mostly just keeps tossing the bottle from one hand to another to keep himself busy. Even knows this is gonna be the hardest dream to tell. Because, historically, for him, it was the worst one. He remembers waking up with cold sweat dripping down his forehead, his breath shaky and his heart racing. He hated every moment of that.

He also remembers it was one of the hardest dreams to write down. He paused like a couple of times, got breakfast, showered, ate. It was too much to write down all at once.

Even thinks Noora can see his inner turmoil, looking at him with so much empathy in her eyes. He knows it's safe to say anything he wants, but it's still scary as hell.

A puff of air leaves his mouth for longer than expected before he starts reading:

 _DREAM #4_ _  
__It seems like I’m leaving my house. I’m careful doing so, looking around, to see if anyone is near me. There isn't._ _  
__But I see the panic in people’s eyes when I start walking down the street. I see the fear in their faces. I see soldiers marching around, intimidating every single person. I see stores closed. I see something I wish I didn’t. Something that makes me wish that, in this lifetime, I see myself when I see my soulmate. And I wish that if I see myself, it means that my soulmate didn’t make it before the age of ten or in that life I was just supposed to be alone._ _  
__But that’s not what happens when I enter an alley pretty much empty and see the same body type I always see in my dreams._ _  
__They're waiting for me._ _  
__And for the first time since I know about soulmates, I wish they weren't. But there's nothing I can do about it. I was unconscious and I couldn't yell for me and my soulmate to get out of there, because it was gonna end badly. There's no use in trying to yell like I want to do right now was I'm writing this down._ _  
__Back to the dream, then…_ _  
__Well, the thing I saw was a fucking swastika. Which means, we were between the years that World War II happened. I knew that it would end badly._ _  
__Now, awake, I keep thinking about striped uniforms (if you can call it that) with pink triangles on them. And the meaning of it. I can't stop thinking about those fucking triangles. The sin that loving someone meant back then and how people still think of it as a sin right now._ _  
__Anyway… My soulmate and I are in this alley, they see me, my own face lighting up when our eyes meet. I could feel it wasn't the first time we've met in this alley. I wish it won't be the last._ _  
__"I'm glad you're here" my soulmate grabs me by the arm and pulls me into a hug. I feel myself freeze._ _  
__We can't do this. Not in public. This is not allowed._ _  
__When they press a kiss to my neck, I relax immediately. I hug them right back, as close and tight as possible, hoping we can stop time and just live like this, without getting caught, without the consequences of our acts, without a fucking war happening around us.  
_ _My dream self is at loss of words, so I just give my soulmate a smile. They accept it without questions.  
_ _"Did you hear? Vilde was caught" sadness fills their eyes and they quickly grab my hand and squeeze them. "I could hear her screaming in pain from my place. Two blocks away. I ran down the street when I figured it out it was her, those fucking soldiers were already trying to put the triangle on her clothes."  
_ _There's nothing to be said. Nothing that would make this any less harder, painful or unfair. So I just hug them again, obligating my ears to work better than ever so I can pick up any sounds of people approaching us.  
_ _I feel my soulmate's tears in my clothes. No one approaches us. I wake up sweating and in the verge of tears._

He read it all. In one go. He knew that if he stopped, he was doomed. No coming back. No way to read more. So he blurted everything out, something unsettling in his throat, that only when he finishes and sits down again, facing Noora, he realizes it's the need of a good cry.

She handles him a box of tissues, no words to be said and Even is greatful. He doesn't wanna remember this dream anymore. He doesn't wanna talk about it, analyze it. He just wants to forget, once and for all.

Five minutes passes, Even staring at the clock on the wall for all this time. Neither of them say a word until and Noora clears her throat and gestures to Even's notepad. He quickles resumes to reading it:

 _DREAM #5:_ _  
__Noise, so much noise. I'm at the Colosseum. Rome._ _  
__A gladiator is there, fighting._ _  
__Fuck, I hope it's not my soulmate._ _  
__But obviously my luck is not any better in past lives than this love. So when they turn around, I see my face. But at least I see my face on my own body. Maybe this will be less painful than I thought._ _  
__I don't have any means to talk to my soulmate now. I'm at the edge of my seat, cheering them on as the other people around me. I think we're at the end of the fight._ _  
__The opponent was not looking good. That meant freedom for my soulmate. A sigh of relief scapes my mouth._ _  
__Not even a minute after, the fight is over. I'm running to get as close as possible so they can see me. And they do. A grin taking over their lips. And as soon as I smile back, I wake up._

"Even," Noora calls him after a few seconds of silence, maybe the previous dream still heavy in the air. "I can't believe how back in history this goes. I've _ne_ ver seen this. But the more you tell me, the more I'm sure of it all."

No waiting anymore before the next dream, Even just want to get over with it:

 _DREAM #6_ _  
__Ah, this is familiar. This uniform at least. I've dreamt about this before.  
_ _World War I, this time. I've dreamt about it a couple times before, differently from the other dreams. Sometimes this happens.  
_ _But this time, I'm not sleeping or just doing my watch and talking to my soulmate, who was another soldier.  
_ _I'm practically laying down on the ground, trenches and more trenches in front of me. A gun in my hand.  
_ _This is not gonna end well.  
_ _Beside me, my soulmate, same position, same gun in hand.  
_ _Everything is happening fast, we're under attack and before I know what to properly do, my soulmate places a peck in my mouth and stands up, aiming to kill.  
_ _They get a couple of shots at the enemy, before a wince of pain is all I hear.  
_ _They got shot. No, no, no, no, no.  
_ _They fall to the ground, trembling, blood running down their clothes where they got shot near their heart. It was ending, I knew that.  
_ _Desperation takes over me but I don't manage a word out, but they do, "Kill that bastard for me" they say, gripping my uniform and a few seconds later, their hand is on the ground, unmoving._

“You dreamt about World War I before?” Noora questions as soon as he’s done.

“Yeah, a couple of times. Does that matter?”

“Maybe. It’s something.... It might mean that you and your soulmate were very attached at that time. That you’re bond was so strong then, that even now you still keep dreaming about it. But it’s not uncommon for people who dream about more than one past life, because you know, there’s just so much you can dream about. Sometimes you dream about all the moments you had with them in that life, and sometimes the dreams repeat themselves, as I’m sure you experienced” Even nods, agreeing. There were a couple of dreams that he really treasured, they were sweet and calm and full of love. There were also some steamy, full of passion dreams. These ones he usually dreamt whenever he slept with someone, or whenever he was aroused or interested in someone. It was like a reminder that no one else would have him like that. No one else would have the same passion, the same care, the same hotness while having sex, while making out, while knowing the other person’s body better than your own. He treasured those dreams too. 

Noora clears her throat again, noticing he was probably not paying attention to the present, before she continues. “So when sometime like this happens, it might mean that you went through a lot together. I’m sorry you had to see what you saw, but it’s nice to know it wasn’t the first time dreaming about that. You probably will have just repeats of that time now because of what happened to them. But the other ones seem fresh, so I’m sure I’ll want to hear more about them if you dream about it. Now, please, tell me the last one.”

 _DREAM #7:_ _  
__I’m standing before the Eiffel Tower._ _  
__But the tower is not finished. They’re building them._ _  
__I have a pastry in one hand, the other one in my pocket. I just look up to the sky, gazing at the tower that soon enough will enchant so many people in the world._ _  
__I feel someone’s warm hand grabbing my pastry before it reaches my mouth and a laugh scaping theirs before they take a bite. I can’t be mad at them. They look pretty (and that’s so weird to say, because you know, it’s my face, but what I mean is that their expression is pretty)._ _  
__“You have no manners” I tell them._ _  
__“Yet, you love me either way” they respond, standing on their tip toes and giving me a kiss on the cheek._ _  
__When I wake up, I know this dream is going to the pile of ‘dreams I love and treasure so much’._

“That’s it. That’s all of them” Even closes his notepad, Noora clicks her pen again, writing something on hers for a minute or two.

“Great, Even, really great. As I said before, I’d like to see you next week, I’ll call Doctor Tryggvason and call him in too. If you have more dreams, please write them down. But I’m pretty confident about what I told you last time. I’m confident you keep dreaming about the same soulmate again and again.”

* * *

The next week flies by. Mikael and Yousef are over more often, Even is sure they noticed how anxious he is to know his final diagnosis. But they also know that this time Even is not worried he’ll be alone, he’s nervous because there’s hope. Hope for love. Hope for finding the one, literally.

Eskild picks him up at his place, they have small talk in his car on the way to Noora’s office.

“You nervous?” Eskild asks, raising his eyebrows and pointing to the bouncy leg of Even’s.

“Fuck yes” Even says chuckling at the exact moment Noora opens the door.

Both of them know the drill, this time, another chair beside Noora’s.

“So, Even, any new dreams in the last seven days?” Noora asks.

“Just two. I wrote them down, but they’re pretty simple. The first one was just like that one on the porch, but we weren’t reading this time, we were just chatting about the children in the neighborhood - a couple of them had baked a cake for our anniversary, so I guess we were married by that time.”

“Yes, nothing like the ones of last week. Which, by the way, I told Doctor Tryggvason about their general aspects, I think you’re fine with it right?” Even says a weak yes, because it’s not like Eskild didn’t know about them, even if Even didn’t often share details as much as he did with Noora. “But it’s good to know you were having some repeat scenery. I told you last week that that might mean your bond, your connection, your lifetime together meant a lot.”

“Yes, Even” Eskild says. “I read some articles Noora sent me and it’s quite amazing how some people who dream about the same place again and again. How about the other one?”

“The other one was a little weird…”

“What do you mean by weird?” Noora questions.

Even ponders how to tell them his dream. He didn’t quite understand it when he woke up, he thought about it all morning before writing it down. “It felt kind of like… it hasn’t happened yet.” He tries to tell them confidently but he does think it sounds like a question. Both doctors look at each other, like their having a silent conversation just through their eyes.

“Please, go on” Noora encourages Even.

“I was at the school I work at. We were having this founding party or rally, I don’t know what you want to call it, apparently it was for the school trip for the kids I was trying to get the principal engaged a few weeks ago.. Yousef and I were responsible for the baking stand. We were selling cookies, brownies, slices of cake, these sorts of things. Mikael and Sana were responsible for taking orders, helping us. Sana was dealing with the money while Mikael was getting the orders and the names of the customers. I picked one of the orders, it was a chocolate chip cookie and a carrot cake slice, I turned around to call the customer's name and I saw myself in my soulmate’s body, they immediately held out their hand, just saying that they knew that was their order. I didn’t get to look at the paper to know their name.”

Noora and Eskild are silent, looking at Even, letting his information sink in. Noora clicks her pen, takes her notepad, writes down a word and shows it to Eskild, who only nods.

"Even, I read only two times about this," Noora says calmly. "It was one of the articles I shared with Doctor Tryggvason. It's something rather new in the medical field. The articles said that sometimes, people can create imaginary meetings with their soulmates in this life. Sometimes these meetings happen and sometimes they don't. We can't tell you if that's going to happen or not, I'm sorry."

What. The. Fuck?

Even is certain his brain shortcut. Did he just dream about how he’s going to meet his soulmate in this life?

Ok, it’s just a possibility, but he can help but wonder that he _had_ pitched the school trip a few weeks ago, that Yousef came up with the idea about the founding party a couple of days ago when Even was still sulking about receiving a no from the principal.

He gets that it might be just an imaginary scenery about things he was thinking about lately, but the little flame of hope that was in his chest now is bigger than ever.

“Even, we hope you get that knowing this isn’t something is certain. Please, we need you to know that. Considering your mental illness, it’s important you have as much of a grasp of the reality around you as possible, you know that, right?” Eskild asks and he sounds genuinely worried.

“Yes, I know.” Even replies, defeated, burying the fantasy of meeting his soulmate deep down on his brain.

“Great. So, without further ado, I can tell you that I’m sure you keep meeting your soulmate in every single life you meet. The reason why you see yourself with your body type it’s because of that. You two keep meeting again and again and again, so you swap faces again and again and again. Which means that the face you have right now, it was in your soulmate’s face in the past life, you get that?” Even nods at Noora’s words. “Good. That also means that, in the future, you’ll be dreaming about this life, but it’s not really gonna be you, because you’ll swap faces again. It’s like… in the past life you were your soulmate and in the next one, they’re gonna be you.”

“Yes, yes. Good to know. So, like, I don’t have to keep worrying about having the same dreams, same locations I mean, and sometimes just seeing my body there and that won’t mean I’ll be alone, right?” Noora and Eskild both say yes at the same time. “Ok, good. Where do we go from here?”

“Well, I’ll keep seeing you every month or whenever I’m needed as your psychiatrist. As for Noora, I think it’s better she tells you herself” Eskild tells him.

“I’d like to keep in touch with you, Even. Like, once every two weeks, I’d like you to write me an email with how your dreams were. Not in detail as we did last week. I just need a gist of them and if you feel the need to tell me more about it, you can mention it in the email and we can meet here to discuss it. I hope the ones that bother you will meet this criteria, the ones that confuse you too. And I hope you feel safe enough to share some of them or just their insights with Doctor Tryggvason too. I'm sure sometimes he’ll be able to help you too, and if not, he’ll tell you to come to me.”

“Ok, that’s good. I can do that. Should I keep writing the dreams?”

“Only if you want to, you can write the ones you like, the ones that linger in your mind for quite some time. But it’s not a requirement.” Noora stands up and both men copy her. “It was really a pleasure knowing you, Even, and I’m sure I’ll hear from you in the future. Stay safe, and please, I’m just one call away if you need anything.”

Soon enough, Eskild and Even are leaving the office and getting into Eskild’s car.

“Do you wanna go home?” his doctor asks.

“No, can you drop me at KB? Mikael has a shift there right now and I’ll tell Yousef to meet me there so I can tell them about all of this” Even asks, fishing his phone from his jacket pocket and texting Yousef a simple _KB in 15?_

Eskild doesn’t verbally answer him, just starts driving in the direction Even asked him to. All the way from Noora’s office to KB, Even is replaying all the words his doctors told him.

Imaginary meeting.

Grasp of reality.

It might happen.

It might not happen.

Eskild stops in front of KB and turns to his patient. “Even, I know how lost inside your head you can get. Please, please, please, if anything happens, if anything bothers you for a little bit longer than you consider necessary, message me, email me, call me. Anything. I’ll be there for you in no time.”

“Thanks, Doc. You’re the best” Even smiles in return to the kind words, in awe of how the hell did he manage to find such good doctors to help him while he gets out of the car and sees Eskild driving away.

He enters KB and finds their usual table, Mikael excusing himself from a table near and leaning himself on both of his hands on the table. “So, you got a verdict, I assume.”

“Yes. Already texted Yousef, he’ll be here in no time” with that, Mikael gets back to work. His shift is gonna be over soon, but Even waits for Yousef to order something.

Not even ten minutes after his arrival, Yousef is pulling up a chair and sitting next to Even. “I’m excited to know what happened at that doctor’s office, but not as excited as I am to have a cappuccino. What do you want? I’ll get it?”

“Nah, it’s no trouble. I’ll get something to eat too, you stay here. Mikael’s is already in the back changing so he’ll join you soon.” Even gets up, and as he predicted he passes Mikael, who’s on his way to Yousef.

Even gets in line, behind a boy with blond curls. He’s so used to seeing blond curls in his dreams that it’s been about five years since he stopped staring at every person with blond curls that was in range of his sight. Let’s be real, he’s in Norway, of course he’s gonna see thousands and thousands of people with blond curls.

The boy orders and then steps aside to wait for his coffee to get ready. Even orders Yousef cappuccino, an iced coffee for him and a chocolate piece of cake. Then, he also steps aside, standing next to the boy.

The funny thing is, when they call their name - Isak -, Even can’t help but laugh a little at his food order: chocolate chip cookie and a slice of carrot cake. The boy stares at him frowning, probably wondering why the hell a stranger is laughing at his food order.

“Is there something wrong?” he asks.

“No, not at all.” Even tries to get himself together. “Great choices, by the way” he adds, before the boy stares at the tray in his hands and walks towards a table in the opposite direction of where he’s sitting.

He collects his order and gets back to the table. Yousef and Mikael are chit chatting, killing time, obviously waiting for him.

After taking a sip of his drink and a bite of his food, he starts talking. “Okay, so, yeah, it’s that thing about having one soulmate always. We keep meeting each other somehow and swapping faces every time. That’s why I see me as _me_ sometimes.”

Both of his friends stay silent and Yousef takes a sip of his cappuccino before speaking. “And what about that weird dream you had the other day? The one with the funding thing.”

“Get this… it’s probably an imaginary meeting in this lifetime.”

“A what now?” Mikael asks, his face full of confusion.

“An imaginary meeting. There’s studies that some people dream about how they meet or about meeting their soulmates in their current lives. It was what happened to me. I met my soulmate in that dream. I just have no idea who they are, because, of course, they _looked like me_ ” Even explains.

“Damn, that’s a lot” Mikael seems surprised, because who wouldn’t be? “Do you still have to write down all your dreams?”

“No, only if I want to or the ones I feel the need to. It’s totally up to me”, Even tells them and he’s quick to add something he knows they’ll ask. “But I’ll keep in touch with her. She says I can call her whenever I feel the need to discuss some dream or to analyze it. You won’t have to beg me to do it, I’ll do it. Now that I know my condition, I’m more interested and invested in this than more of you combined.”

Yousef and Mikael both blush at the same time, like they got caught doing something wrong. Even knows they care for him, but he’s an adult. He can manage himself - most of the time.

They don’t talk about that anymore. The three of them are probably exhausted about Even’s unconscious life story by now. So they just catch up. Yousef tells them about the date he had with Sana last week - the perks of knowing your soulmate when you’re really young that the next day of knowing Sana because of Elias, Yousef was there ready to spend time with her and bond. They’ve been in a relationship after about a year of really bonding, Sana always unsure and reserved. Now, it seems like they’re making up for lost time.

Mikael just tells them about his new movie project he’s trying to convince his classmates to do - he wants to make an anti-hero short film, because quote unquote _I’m sick of the good guy winning._

As the time passes, sometimes Even’s gaze lands in the blond curly boy table. He’s there with three other friends. He’s pretty, so so so pretty, Even can’t deny that. His eyebrows are pretty. His lips, especially his cupid bow, are pretty. His green eyes are pretty. His nose is pretty. Secretly, Even wishes he could just _know_ if someone is your soulmate and not have to wait for any dreams to happen.

However, he knows that this blond boy isn’t the first, and probably won’t be the last one, that he wishes would be his soulmate. He’s done this countless times. So he just repeats the words said in the doctor’s office. _Grasp of reality._

They resume their conversation as the afternoon turns into night. Even heads home and keeps doing his mundane things. He watches a movie. He plans his next class. He studies a bit. He cooks. All of this while wishing to dream about blond curly boys - about one blond curly boy, specifically.

But that night, Even doesn’t dream about anything.

* * *

It’s been a week since Even doesn’t dream about his soulmate. He texted Doctor Sætre about it, but she didn’t have any opening for him this week and Eskild was out of town. The only response he got was:

> **DOCTOR NOORA SÆTRE** **  
> **That’s normal, Even. I know it never happened to you, but it’s normal. We’ll talk next week, okay?

He’s at Elias’ house. The Bakka boys decided they wanted to meet up and cook dinner together. He keeps looking at his phone, staring at Noora’s text, trying to accept he won’t get any answers soon.

Yousef calls for help in the kitchen, so he heads there. Sana is there too.

“Hey Sana!” He greets her and hugs her too.

“Hey Even” she replies while they’re hugging.

“I called for backup because this one forgot to mention it’s not only us boys, her and her parents that we’re cooking for. Her study partner is on his way too, and since they have a test tomorrow, he’ll sleep in the guest room… so he’s her plus one for dinner, I guess” Yousef tells Even, handing him a knife and a glove of garlic. “Chop chop, this dinner won’t cook itself” he adds, turning back to the cutting board and his onion.

Sana rolls her eyes and sits down at the table in the kitchen. “How’s teaching school, Even?”

“It’s good, I really love it. I thought I was gonna miss something for not going into media or something, but I really don’t” he tells her, placing a cutting board at the table and starting to chop the garlic. “And med school, is it everything you hoped for?”

She groans and closes her eyes before answering. “Oh no, it’s so much harder. I thought I was used to studying a lot, but I was just playing myself. I feel almost dumb sometimes. And you know I’m not even close to being dumb” Even laughs with her at her last sentence, and then the doorbell rings.

He continues his sous-chef duties, finishing cutting the garlic and moving on to tomatoes. Apparently it was homemade pasta with tomato sauce. Yousef’s specialty. 

In no time, Sana is back in the kitchen and to Even’s surprise, blond curly boy from KB right behind her, a beautiful smile on his face.

“Isak, you know Yousef” Yousef turns his head around, greeting him from afar. “And this is Even, one of my brother’s friends.” She gestures to him and he doesn’t really know what to do. Isak doesn’t seem to recognize him from KB, even if his laughter wasn’t the most pleasant thing he heard that day.

“Nice to meet you”, Isak shakes Even’s hand before he realized he had even extended his arm.

“Likewise” Even feels a blush creeping up on his cheek and he knows Isak and Sana saw it too, because they both exchange knowing looks before smirking at each other.

“Okay, so, we’ll go study while you cook” she kisses Yousef’s cheek and he smiles down at her. “Don’t ruin dinner or we’re over” she says, making the three men laugh while she leaves the kitchen, Isak on her toes.

It’s silent for a few minutes in the room before Even clears his throat.

“Yes?” Yousef asks, not turning around to face him. He must know what this is about already.

“You know he fits the description of all of my dreams, right? Not only like… my dream guy…” Even says, sighing a little. “But my _dream_ dream guy.”

“Yes, Even, I am aware” Yousef sighs, now facing even, putting his knife down. “That’s exactly why I didn’t let Sana have him around whenever we went out or whenever we were here. Today, she failed me.”

“What?? Yousef, you can’t be serious, man, that’s not something you’d normally do.”

“Yes, actually it is. You know I’d do anything to protect you, Even. I’ve known Isak for about a year now. And The first time I met him, my mind screamed that I shouldn’t let you guys meet, because I knew that if that happened, you’d be hung up on him, like you did with… what was his name again? Back in Bakka?”

“Alfred” Even says, avoiding Yousef’s stare.

“So you know why I did this. I’m sorry, but I’d do it again if I needed to” he turns back to the pans, pouring some olive oil in it, the onions and the garlic Even chopped before.

They continue cooking, mostly in silence now. Everything is almost done, and Even tells Elias to get Sana and Isak. Before everyone gets into the kitchen, Even hugs Yousef, unexpectedly murmuring “Thank you” in his ears.

Dinner is good. The food is amazing, as always. Elias’ father cracking joke after joke or engaging on whatever Muta or Adam were saying. Isak, Yousef and Sana are in deep conversation on their side of the table. Even knows he’s staring, he can feel Mikael and Elias whispering about it right next to him. And he feels Isak turning his gaze at him from time to time.

“Dude, stop it” Mikael elbows him when everyone is done eating and they are all just talking. “You can’t pine over every blond guy in Norway. You’ll stress yourself over nothing.”

He knows Mikael is right. So he breaks the stare and turns to face his friends, trying to pay attention to whatever they’re talking about but not really listening. 

He might not be looking, but he feels when Isak stares at him for a second longer. 

He might not be looking, but in his mind, he’s already imagining what it would be like to dream tonight and see Isak’s face in it. To wake up tomorrow knowing that he can prove Yousef wrong, because he can _feel_ something different about Isak.

Isak is nothing like Alfred. Isak is nothing like Frederik. Isak is nothing like Augustus.

Later that evening, he’s staring at his ceiling, still thinking about Isak.

About his laugh. His smile. His eyes, so so beautiful and so green.

Even can’t help but smile, and that’s how he falls asleep.

And he dreams.

Then he wakes up. And when he does, his face is full of shock. Like he dreamt something he was not expecting.

For the first time in a while, he doesn’t grab his notepad to write down his dream like he does when he wakes up this astonished. He grabs his phone, opening the group chat with Mikael and Yousef.

> **EVEN** **  
> **FIY: I know who my soulmate is.
> 
> **MIKAEL** **  
> **WHAT????
> 
> **YOUSEF** **  
> **Spill it. Now!
> 
> **EVEN  
> ** It’s Isak.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for taking the time to read it, i appreciate it!  
> you can find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/bibsrambles) or [tumblr](https://chillerhjemmesmiley.tumblr.com)


End file.
